Dreams

The movies that I enjoy best are movies about dreams.

I'm not talking about aspirations. I mean that thing that haunts. It is inescapable. Close your eyes, there it is.

Where are my dreams? When I close my eyes, all I can see is the past. The way things were. The ways I thought things were. I think about the things that have happened, but I don't really have a sense of what that means. I don't know how things happen (though I know they happen). The present only exists when I'm in motion. The future only exists when I want to provide continuity for the present. But, the past. I always have that.

I want to change my view of these three time horizons. I want to forget about the past, except when it's useful. I want to forget that I care about the present, so I can remember it. And I want to look to the future.

There is some negative inertia (college debt) that is going to keep me from forcing myself to open up to the present and future. So long as that is there, I will have to keep one eye steadily trained on my past.

Maybe I should look into growing a third eye.